Friendships & Misophonia: Navigating a Difficult Conversation

Friendships & Misophonia: Navigating a Difficult Conversation

Frustrated, overwhelmed, and misunderstood. 

These are three words that highlight my experience as a teen with misofonia, and I’m sure many others would agree. Sounds that seem completely normal to anyone else may trigger reactions in someone with misophonia and can be difficult to ignore. 

As a teen, navigating life is already hard enough. Teens with misophonia also have to deal with explaining a new and complex concept to parents, family, teachers, and arguably the hardest people, your friends. You are probably worried about how they will react, and, trust me, I’ve been there before. 

For many of us, including myself, this is where describing misophonia gets complicated.  

Why Talking to Friends Can Be Difficult & the Feared Response. 

The worrying starts before even attempting to bring up misophonia. Am I going to fit in? I hope I didn’t just embarrass myself. Am I too much? These are all questions I’m sure you have asked yourself at one point, and these don’t make opening up about something as vulnerable as misophonia any easier. 

There are a lot of reasons why talking to friends about a disorder like misophonia can be so daunting, and this can look different for each person. I worry about telling my friends because I fear that they will treat me differently or think that I am being overly dramatic. 

Oftentimes, I find myself sitting next to my friends while they are eating or drinking something, and I want to talk about my misophonia, but I also don’t want to put a limit on my friends or annoy them for simply eating around me.

Other fears can include thinking friends don’t believe what you're saying or think you’re being too sensitive. Finding the balance between your needs while also trying to fit in and think about other people’s boundaries can be tough to navigate and never gets easier. 

Opening up to someone is hard already, especially someone you trust and talk to every day, like friends. If they don’t believe you or try to disregard your feelings, that can feel even worse. This is where having understanding, caring, and supportive friends can make all the difference. 

So, what can friends do? 

“Want to put on a show?” asks my friend, Ella, while we sit in her kitchen with the dinner we just DoorDashed. Immediately after she takes a bite, I know what she’s referring to.

Ella never treats me differently because of my misophonia. Instead, she tries to understand and stay aware as much as possible. Of course this doesn’t happen every time, but something as small as checking in every so often makes a world of difference to me. 

Describing what misophonia feels like and sounds like is something I don’t think I will ever be able to perfectly explain, and it shows up differently for each person. I don’t believe friends can ever fully know what it is like to live with misophonia in everyday life, but making an effort to listen and remember is what matters most.  

Being a supportive friend doesn’t mean checking in every five minutes or knowing exactly what to do every time. Being a supportive friend means showing you care and being considerate in certain situations. We neither expect nor want our friends to fully change their behavior around us; we simply want to know the people we trust care enough to make an effort and try. 

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, we want our friends to show us that we don’t have to be embarrassed by misophonia. Something so out of our control can sometimes end up feeling like it’s our fault for experiencing the things we do and acting the way we do. A friend who listens, believes you, and attempts to understand can remind you that you are seen, heard, and not alone.

If you find yourself struggling to find that courage or support within your friends, I suggest connecting with other people who are experiencing misophonia as well.

The soQuiet Teens with Misophonia Peer Support Group is a great way to get connected with other teens who share similar experiences with you and understand what living with misophonia is like. While having a close friend who takes the time to care would be great, not everyone is going to do that, and that is okay. You deserve to be seen and to have a community who accepts you for who you are and not for who you pretend to be.

Opening up to friends can be challenging and intimidating at first, especially when you are focused on the reaction you will get from them. Friends don’t have to be perfect when it comes to understanding. Sometimes, all you need is someone willing to believe you and listen to you, like Ella has done for me.